Like many of you, I occasionally experience a day, or a few days, or two weeks, where I just don't feel well. I am talking about mental wellness, although the link between physical and mental health is so complicated, I am often considering whether I feel mentally unwell because something is going on with me physically, or whether I feel physically unwell because something is going on mentally. Almost always, both feelings are happening at the same time. I don't think I'll will crack that code anytime soon, so let's talk about how to feel better.
Let's be clear. I am not sharing ideas in order to help you feel mentally great. This is not therapy, or even life coaching. This is just a little support from a friend (yes, I am your friend, even if we've never met) in the form of a few things that work for me when I am not feeling mentally at my best. My hope is that you find something in this that will help you feel...better, even just a little.
These are actually probably things you already know. These ideas are all your brain somewhere, I'm sure. You know how you talk to your therapist or counsellor or doctor and they suggest something and you think "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" Well, if you have anxiety or depression or any other mental health issue, your brain was probably busy feeding you thoughts like "I'm not good enough. I make too many mistakes. No one likes me. I'm never going to feel better." so it was hard to find the thoughts that might help you feel better. (By the way, tell your brain to shut up. None of those things are true about you. I know, cuz we're friends.) Sometimes, it helps to hear things from someone else.
Step 1: Double check and make sure you are taking your meds, supplements, vitamins, whatever it is you need to do on a daily basis to make sure your chemistry is correct. We know that if we have been prescribed medication for our mental health issue, not taking it can mess things up. Other imbalances can be happening, as well. Lack of vitamin B1, B12, D and low iron can lead to fatigue, low energy and depression, as well as other symptoms. You should always discuss adding supplements with your doctor, but this is a reminder that if you already have a routine of taking any of these, and you have not been taking them lately, this might be a source of your current mental health state.
More Ideas:
Bake something. I find baking to be helpful because first, it is easy to follow a recipe, and second, the results make me feel somewhat productive, which always lifts my mood. Don't try a brand new recipe, don't try to get creative with it, just choose something you've made a million times, that is easy and that you can follow the recipe exactly, so if you get distracted, you have something to anchor you. Following a recipe also gives you something to focus on besides your thoughts. Plus, when you are done you will have a yummy treat, which is mood boosting as well.
Move. I am well aware that this can be the BIGGEST challenge when you are down, to actually get moving. We all know going for a walk will make us feel better. But it can be very difficult to convince our brains that this is true. That is why I always start with very small movement. A few stretches right where I am sitting. Five minutes on the stationary bike. When I am really feeling low, it will take a big push to get me outside, and quite often my dog will be the catalyst for that push.
Make plans with someone. For later. You may not want to be around anyone, or go to the effort that would be necessary to get out of the house, or have to pretend everything is alright or explain why it is not. Not today. But making plans for a few days from now can help your brain remember that how you feel is temporary. You have what it takes to go for a walk and coffee with a friend next week. And having that plan can give you something to look forward to and goal to work toward. When you make a commitment to someone else, you might be less likely to cancel. Just make sure the plan is something you enjoy doing, its simple and it is with someone you trust.
Do one chore. A small one. Sweep one room. When you use the bathroom, clean the sink. Don't plan to clean the whole house, or clear out the garage. You will probably not get that done, and it may make you feel worse. We are looking for something that is just enough to refute the thoughts in your head that make you feel worthless because you were not productive. If it sparks you to clean the whole bathroom, great! If not, at least you can add "Wiped the countertops" or "Got gas" or "Ordered groceries" to your to-done list for today.
Music. Listen to it. Play it. Dance to it. Sing it out loud.
Gratitude journal. Trust me. This will help you. It doesn't seem like it will, and it may even seem trite. I don't know exactly why it works, something to do with brain chemicals and the negativity bias. (I do pay attention in therapy, but I also have a terrible memory.) I just know that when I am feeling most negative and can't think of anything positive, that is when I have to go to my gratitude journal. First, I will read some of my previous entries, which helps me remember that I have lots to be grateful for, no matter how small those things may be. And second, I make myself find gratitude about the very thing that is making me feel negative. If I'm feeling down about how old and rundown my house is, I will write gratitude about my house. If I am feeling negative about relationships or friendships, I will find gratitude in that area. If work life is getting me down, gratitude about my job. Again, sometimes the mood comes first, and the negative thoughts about specific things is the byproduct of the mood. And sometimes its the other away around, and the negative thoughts create the mood. Either way, when I force a positive spin on it, I can slightly change my narrative. Does it make all the negative thoughts go away? No. Remember, we are going for better, not perfect.
Do you feel any better yet? Do you at least not feel worse? (I don't know about you, but for me the negative mental state is a spiral, I feel low so I don't do anything, which makes me feel lower, so I isolate, which makes me feel even lower, so... Sometimes I need to do things just to keep the spiral from getting worse.)
Ultimately, you need to make your own list. Maybe baking is not for you, but doing a puzzle or building a Lego set or anything with clear directions, that requires enough of your brain power that it gets you out of your thoughts temporarily, and makes you feel a tiny bit productive.
Remember, make them tiny and easy. If you put on your list that going for a two hour bike ride in the mountains will make you feel better, well, it probably would, but you won't do it when you are at your lowest, because there are way to many steps to getting there and way too much energy required to even get started. Instead, put walk in the neighborhood park, or a treelined street nearby. Put ride stationary cycle at home for 5 minutes. Put look at old photos of past mountain bike trips on your list. These things are easier to start and might slowly pull you out of the funk you are in.
The biggest thing to remember is that if you are not able to push yourself to do any of the things on your list, and your mental state does not improve or keeps getting worse, do not hesitate to contact a professional. Or contact a friend and ask them to contact a professional. Or walk into your doctor's office and tell them you need help. Or go to the emergency room. Those things should be on your list, too.
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